Hmmmm

So i haven't written for another long while. And now I obviously dont know what to write here. Every time I tell myself I'm going to start posting regularly and all and I'm always unable to keep up. Life's hard, and fast and not too bad. I'm having issues with my roomie which I dont know how to handle. She owes me a bit of money, and I'm kinda worried when and how she'll pay up. I have finals coming up, and so I've left the job to focus on studies for a while. And then its going to be another crazy three months of full on working till i start again.......... its cool.. I'm liking it here! :-)

Clenched Soul

We have lost even this twilight.
No one saw us this evening hand in hand
while the blue night dropped on the world.

I have seen from my window
the fiesta of sunset in the distant mountain tops.

Sometimes a piece of sun
burned like a coin in my hand.

I remembered you with my soul clenched
in that sadness of mine that you know.

Where were you then?
Who else was there?
Saying what?
Why will the whole of love come on me suddenly
when I am sad and feel you are far away?

The book fell that always closed at twilight
and my blue sweater rolled like a hurt dog at my feet.

Always, always you recede through the evenings
toward the twilight erasing statues.

- Pablo Neruda

The Past is Gone

The Past Is Gone


The past is gone
to never return
we live, we love,
and we all must learn.

Love can be painful
but can also be great,
sometimes wind up regretting
and sometimes we hate.

No matter the reason
no matter the rhyme
forgiveness is essential
and it may take time.

As the time passes
the brighter the light
the darkness once haunted
eventually seems bright.

The time is now
for the past is gone
who's to say love
is right or wrong.

Have You Ever Yearned Another

Have you ever yearned another
yet the lover had no care
has a tear escaped your eye
yet no more would even dare

does your heart melt with a glance
as you offer up a prayer
when you look into their heart
does you heart yearn to be there

have you wanted them so badly
that your heart would start to bleed
have you tried to say I love you
yet a voice would not proceed

don't lend your heart to love dear friend
let your tears fall like the rain
a healing heart will break again
and sadness will remain

you'll ponder thoughts of real love
and wonder if they're true
pity takes no place in life
upon a heart so blue

grand is love yet merciless
the price to pay is high
a choice to take of love or death
my heart would rather die

never lend your heart to love
you'll find my words are true
don't doubt me friend for I should know
I fell in love with you

Jen Amaya

Count Your Blessings....

Trying

I'm just trying to make sense of this crazy world. There are instances where I know what I am supposed to do, how I'm supposed should do, when I'm supposed to do etc. But its hard to do it. I try and try, and it doesnt work. I thought I was genuinely happy. I think I was, for a while. It just seems superficial now. I have changed so much, and I'm still the same. And thats the truth, and this is life.... or something close to it........

Life Goes On

I'm back. I really do not know how to start this off without resorting to some hackneyed phrase, so I'll just leave it at that.

Problem;
Insomnia is a terrible and debilitating disease.

Rants:
It is so easy to mouth platitudes... so easy to spew out the words of the wise... to give out the best advice... Yes, goddammit.. I know what you are saying is right!! You think I'm stupid???? Of course it is good to do this and to do that. Of course I SHOULD do this or do that.. God, I did not just emerge from a self induced exile of 24 years, absolutely naive, uneducated, unworldly or stupid! so what's with people and unsolicited advice?? Its insulting. Yayayayaya youre my friend, you care for me and you are only trying to help and do whats best for me.. you know what world?? leave me alone if you want what's best for me.. keep your oh-so-wise collected-memorised-heard-read-second-hand advice to yourself and you will be respecting me.